Oh how I love to indulge! I'm a master of treating myself to rewards, layering myself with fuzzy socks, cozy blankets, luxurious pillows and purring kitties. I enjoy comfort, and I'm especially talented at doing it without breaking the bank. But, I have an epic fail. And it's one of those things that needles its way through my cozy layers just to remind me that there's unpleasantness in my world.

I just finished watching the ESPN documentary, "The Last Dance" that chronicles the final season of the Chicago Bulls dynasty in 1998. After they won their 6th championship, I listened as they played scenes from the locker room. In all the celebrating, the great Michael Jordan laughingly said, "They can't win till we quit!". That phrase stuck with me, and as I considered it more, it sank in.

I heard this question over and over again growing up. If left unchecked, my fallen state takes over and I'll get passive in group settings. That is not uncommon for many, but I’ve been giving it some thought and . . . well I think I’m on to something. Often, the number of people in a group might determine the extent to which we fade into the background. I say "might" because while I may have made blanket statements such as "I feel comfortable speaking up in a group of 10 or less", I've come to realize that it's not the size of the group that matters, but the extent to which I feel a part of that group.  Does that resonate with anyone else?

It's March 28th. So? Well to me March 28th is what I call "Bike Day". Thirty some-odd years ago on this day, I was returning from a bike outing along the main beach road in South Florida, Hwy1. We finished up our ride and everyone turned toward their homes. They asked if I knew how to get home from there and I said I did. Of course I knew - sort of. Too embarrassed to admit that I wasn't sure, I was also confident that I could figure it out. I knew what street I was looking for, and once I found that street, I knew exactly how to get home. The problem was, I walked for hours in the early afternoon sun and never found that street.

What drew me to
follow Christ was the joy and community I felt among believers. Even at 4 years
old, I could sense the comradery that I saw a church, and around the table at
home.  I was part of an amazing family,
that treated strangers like lost relatives. And yet, I grew up believing that I
was less important, less worthy, and just "less" than everyone else.
Those were lies. In my head, I knew those were lies, but I still believed them.
Especially through middle and high school, they felt true. I wasn't enough for
my friends, even if I was enough for God. And that wasn't enough for me.

I came to trust Christ as a believer when I was 4 years old. I remember every detail of that moment. I know what I was doing and the comment I made to my mom that prompted her to explain salvation to me. I know where I was in the room and that she was folding laundry at the time. It's funny how God can use the most routine moments to change someone's life forever. Over the years, I learned that the testimony of someone who came to Christ young and never strayed far from the path is a powerful one. I would wonder though, what it would have been like to experience that moment of freedom from an adult perspective.

What is it about water? I was asked recently where my favorite vacation spot would be. The more I thought about it, harder it seemed to provide an answer. I love to travel and can be happy in pretty much any environment. I love mountains, beaches, cities and wilderness. But then it struck me. If I truly want to relax, I need to be near water. Being around water cleanses my spirit. It lets me exhale and release every ounce of anxiety and stress. Jesus talked about sending rain on the just and the unjust in Matthew 5:45. As it did then, water means crops, prosperity, and life.

Find the Joy

It's there if you choose to see it. It's in a rainstorm, it's in housework. Joy is in relationships, kindness, and laughter. You can find joy everywhere if you'll just look for it. We all go through hard times, and I never want to minimize anyone's pain. Sometimes we don't want to find the joy. Sometimes we actually want to be miserable. I've had periods in my life where I felt completely abandoned by God and those around me. I wasn't feeling the joy. But that doesn't mean it wasn't available to me.

One of the many gifts we have from our Heavenly Father, is that we are not bound by our circumstances. He gave us the freedom to choose joy over sadness and victory over defeat, no matter what we're facing. And once you find that joy, share it with others. They need it. They are hurting too.

A few weeks ago, I headed into the North Georgia mountains for some time of renewal, rest and reflection. I never imagined how healing 48 hours of complete silence could be! Among the many takeaways, I not only got to spend hours tromping through the woods listening to birds and squirrels, I learned to set up an ENO for the first time (those of you who don't know what an ENO is - look it up, it will change your life!). Most of all, I relished the freedom to spend uninterrupted quiet time alone with my Savior in His creation.

During one of my writing sessions, I flipped through a planner for 2018 and I came across a page marked for "Personal Notes". Unable to resist the temptation, I wrote one. What came out surprised me, and I thought I would share it here. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did...

Our company supports an orphan care and prevention center there called myLIFEspeaks. For the last few years, I've had the opportunity to travel with a handful of coworkers, to a small village in Haiti called Neply (about 30 miles outside of Port Au Prince).  Upon arrival, we're immediately immersed in the village's daily life and spend the next 7 days serving the community; connecting with everyone from infants to endangered teens and village elders.

One of the best parts of this trip for me is seeing the impact it has on new team members. On the way home from our most recent trip, I asked them if they viewed the city of Port Au Prince differently coming home than they did when they first arrived. Their answer surprised me. They said that the trip through the city streets was much harder to digest on the way BACK to the airport, than it was when they first arrived. I thought that the biggest shock would be coming from the United States to a city like Port Au Prince. I was wrong.

My entire life has been an exercise in guilt.  There's the obvious guilt - when I've done something wrong, and the Holy Spirit is reminding me I need to make it right. That's healthy; that's good; and that's where conviction serves its true purpose.

But no, I've bought into a more twisted guilt that ultimately leads to my disadvantage, and affects the lives of everyone around me. See, I have a tendency to feel guilty for not only things I've done wrong, but for things I've done right. Yup. Why should I feel guilty when I've done something right? Because the enemy whispers in my ear saying I don't deserve what goes well for me, and I listen. I did nothing to deserve the wonderful family and freakishly amazing friends that I have. I must have really fooled them all somehow, right? The Bible says we don't deserve love on our own merits. So isn't it hypocritical to accept blessings we don't deserve? No - absolutely no. Allowing those thoughts to take root is what I call "runaway guilt", and we can conquer it.

I've listened to a series recently about establishing guardrails in our lives to guide us in the right direction and protect us from harm. For example, if someone has an inclination toward gambling addiction, a good guardrail might be to avoid the poker table. The more you expose yourself to a temptation, the more likely you are to compromise your principles, make excuses and avoid accountability.

What I realized in going through the series though, is that there are areas in my life where I've established a guardrail, that actually became a roadblock instead. What I thought was a boundary put in place to protect a relationship damaged it in the long run. 

As an avid lover of elephants, I cringe every time I hear the question, "How do you eat an elephant?".  That is not an image I need in my head! But no matter how uncomfortable it makes me, I must admit that the adage is right. We can only conquer something that seems large by taking it on in small pieces. It's a basic principle of time and task management. But if there's such an obvious solution, why do so many of us struggle with feeling overwhelmed?

Cats are known for being finicky. One minute they'll play with a toy, then never touch it again. First they like dry food, then they'll only eat wet food. Then they decide they only like one flavor of a specific brand. The first time a cat stops liking something they've had for years, we take them to the vet. Are they sick? What's wrong? $400 later we realize they just changed their mind. Then we set out to find what they WILL eat, which can also be costly and frustrating. No wonder "dog people" think "cat people" are crazy. But hold on a minute, and take a good look in the mirror.

I think a lot of humans don't like cats because deep down, they're too much like us. How picky do we get when we want something? "No God, I want you to answer THIS prayer!" "No, not that way, do it this way!"  I can just see him shaking his head and saying "I'm giving you what you need, why can't you take it and be thankful?" He was certainly like that with the Nation of Israel, as they wandered in the desert. Sure, eating manna got old quickly. I can't imagine eating it day and night for 40 years! I know they were frustrated. But God caused a miracle and gave them food and water in the desert. That alone is amazing. The Israelites didn't die during that time because of starvation. When they died outside of natural causes, it was because of disobedience.

We have a lot in common with cats, like it or not. If a cat doesn't like their food, they will starve themselves to death. Their stubbornness and "disobedience" will cause their death. Where are we being stupidly stubborn? In what ways have we said "No God, that's not how I wanted to be blessed."? God WILL provide for his children. We can't be so wrapped up in details of what we want that we forget to notice the miracles that we're getting, and be thankful for them.

Eat your food (or kibble) and be thankful. It's a miracle you've gotten as far as you have, and He will see you the rest of the way. That's a promise.